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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663565">Blue Coat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuthatch_in_a_Nutshell/pseuds/Nuthatch_in_a_Nutshell'>Nuthatch_in_a_Nutshell</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/raztberry/pseuds/raztberry'>raztberry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>At least he tries, Awkward Newt Scamander, But Newt is lost in thoughts anyway, Falling In Love, Gen, He is a sweetheart anyway, I'm Bad At Tagging, Internal Conflict, Jacob Kowalski (mentioned) - Freeform, Leta's and Newt's past, Newt Scamander is a Dork, Newt Scamander's birthday, Newt doesn’t make it easy for him, Newt's coat, Oblivious Newt, Pickett deserves more appreciation, Pickett gives relationship advice, Pining, Reminiscing, Theseus Scamander is a Good Sibling, Tina Goldstein (mentioned) - Freeform, a lot of it, worrying means you suffer twice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:00:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663565</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuthatch_in_a_Nutshell/pseuds/Nuthatch_in_a_Nutshell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raztberry/pseuds/raztberry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt’s 30th birthday seems to promise a bright future – recently, Newt is happier than ever before and the only thing he worries about is the fact that the Ministry believes him responsible for the destruction of half of New York. Asking Theseus for help, Newt even puts up with his birthday celebrations – until Theseus presents him with a useless present and unforeseen news. Theseus wants him to change – and Newt needs to come to terms with his past if he doesn’t want to lose a future with the people he loves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leta Lestrange/Theseus Scamander, Newt Scamander &amp; Theseus Scamander, Tina Goldstein/Newt Scamander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Newt Scamander's Birthday 2021 (FEBulousNewtDay2021)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Changing: Clothes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This project is a collaboration between me and Raztberry who made some wonderful fanart accompanying, completing, and complementing this fic. You can find it at the end of this chapter! We figured out the plot of this project together, following the question why Newt has a new coat in CoG, and exploring his relationships to Theseus, Leta, Tina, Jacob and (of course) Pickett.<br/>Please have a look at all of Raztberry’s fantastic fanart and drawings which you can find on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/raztberry/">Instagram</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/raztberry">Twitter</a>!<br/>(Oh, and just in case there are any German speaking people out there: Feel free to have a look at <a href="https://www.fanfiktion.de/u/Ravenclaws+Eulchen">my German fanfiction account</a> where I have published quite a few works!)<br/>And now: Happy birthday, Newt! Or to (mis-)quote Theseus: You don’t turn 124 every day!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Newton Scamander was thirty years old and twenty-five minutes late when he apparated with a splash directly into an enormous puddle in the middle of Diagon Alley. Being used to getting soaked all the time – not so much because he was a world traveller but because he lived in London – he didn’t show much of a reaction other than a quiet sigh and an apologetic glance towards the sourly looking witch he had drenched with his rather messy way of arriving.</p><p>He dried himself off with a wave of his wand when he stepped into the little pub called the <em>Cat and Kettle </em>that Theseus called his local. The room was filled with the sounds of witches and wizards enjoying a drink and a chat after work and the smell of stew and butterbeer. Newt stopped in the doorway for a second, making sure that Pickett was safely snuggled up inside his breast pocket and not up to any mischief. He then glanced around the pub in order to find the man he had come to meet. There had been no point in trying to escape Theseus’ invitation today, and if he was perfectly honest, he needed his brother’s advice. Theseus had offered to give Newt some tips for the hearing concerning his travel ban, and as much as Newt shied his birthday drinks, it was useless to pretend that he <em>didn’t</em> need Theseus’ help.</p><p>It was not difficult for Newt to make out his brother in the crowd. Theseus had pulled up a chair to a group of men in ministry robes, talking and gesturing vividly while the others listened with apparent amusement. He interrupted his tale when one of the men tapped on his shoulder. He turned around and met Newt’s eyes with a wide grin. Newt hesitated. He was not too keen to get into an awkward discussion of his encounter with Grindelwald with his brother’s colleagues – but he didn’t have to worry because Theseus got up in an instant with a laugh and a jovial wave. Mere seconds later, he had crossed the crowded room and pulled Newt into a tight embrace.</p><p>“Happy birthday, little brother!”, he said enthusiastically.</p><p>Newt stiffened a little in his grip to save Pickett from being crushed in his breast pocket. “Erm... thanks”, he said, finally pulling away with a little smile and looking into his brother’s beaming face.</p><p>Theseus seemed <em>particularly</em> cheery today which head to mean something – Theseus was <em>always</em> in a good mood when he was in public, entertaining people with witty anecdotes (and telling Newt to cheer up with a grin and a jovial patting on the back). But even Newt could tell that something was different today. He wondered if it was his own birthday that had put Theseus in such high spirits, or if today had simply been an <em>incredibly</em> successful day in Theseus’ always surpassingly successful career.</p><p>“Sorry for being late”, Newt muttered when Theseus dragged him along to the counter to get a drink. “One of my Diricawl chicks lost sight of its mother and was apparating around in panic. It was not easy to catch.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Newt”, Theseus said cheerfully, “I didn’t expect you to come on the dot. And I enjoyed myself. Abbott just told me that the <em>Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes</em> has published new guidelines for the colleagues from <em>Muggle-Worthy Excuses</em>, and they are <em>hilarious</em>, trying to tell muggles they fell asleep in a moving-picture show or being hit by a motorcar and so forth… If you ask me, we have been in dire need for that reform for <em>at least</em> ten years now. What do you want to drink?”</p><p>“Oh, erm… butterbeer”, Newt said, struggling to pull his purse out of his pocket without scattering a handful of mooncalf treats on the floor, thinking by himself that to him it had rather looked like <em>Theseus</em> telling Abbott about something.</p><p>“Ah, no, I’ll pay”, Theseus said with a crooked grin at Newt’s clumsy efforts, “it’s your birthday and you are a little short on money I presume.”</p><p>Newt did his best to look thankful instead of offended, thanking Theseus in a mumble. Theseus was right – he <em>didn’t </em>have too much money at the moment (but who would, really, coming home from a year long trip around the globe, having to feed twenty-seven creatures with all kinds of exotic and expensive food). He knew that his brother was probably trying to be nice, but he didn’t like the look in his eyes – something like pity when he eyed Newt’s appearance with a tad of condescension.</p><p>“So… Thirty years old and still drinking butterbeer, eh?”, Theseus said when they grabbed their drinks and headed towards a table in the corner.</p><p>“Well – <em>you</em> are drinking butterbeer as well and you are thirty-eight, if I remember correctly”, Newt pointed out, letting Pickett climb onto his palm and then into the pocket of his shirt. He shrugged off his coat and draped it over his chair before taking a seat opposite his brother.</p><p>“Don’t remind me”, Theseus groaned good-naturedly, “You turning thirty is enough to make me feel old. But please keep up the butterbeer drinking, reminds me of my schooldays. Can’t believe that has been back in 1906…” He trailed off and Newt, taking a sip of his drink, couldn’t help but think back to his last days of school too. He grimaced a little when he set his mug down. It wasn’t his fondest memory.</p><p>“I brought you something”, Theseus said suddenly, pulling Newt out of his thoughts. He reached into his pocket and produced a small box, neatly decorated with a dark blue silk ribbon. He sat it on the table between them, looking at Newt expectantly with a joyful twinkle in his eyes.</p><p>“Oh – thank you!”, Newt said awkwardly, eyeing the parcel with a tad of resistance. He felt a flash of guilt when he remembered that he had sent Theseus only a postcard for his birthday when he had been in Equatorial Guinea, not sparing a second thought if he should get his brother something else.</p><p>„C’mon, open it!“, Theseus said excitedly. “You don’t turn thirty every day!”</p><p>Newt uncomfortably reached for his gift and removed the ribbon. Opening the small box, he looked down on a pair of silver cufflinks.</p><p>“That’s… <em>great</em>, Theseus”, he said half-heartedly, faking a smile. It was the absolute least thing he needed in his life. He surely didn’t plan to attend any event where cufflinks would be considered proper attire. And it would be close to impossible to keep the Niffler away from it. He wondered if Theseus wasn’t aware that his gift was utterly useless to Newt or if he just didn’t care, being determined to one day make a proper, civilized gentleman out of him. Newt couldn’t help but feel a little irritated. To hide his face, he bent down for a moment to awkwardly store away the box in one of his pockets.</p><p>If Theseus had witnessed his lack of enthusiasm, he did his best not to show it. Instead, he lifted his glass, flashing Newt one of his annoyingly handsome smiles and said: “To you, Newt!” He took a sip, then went on: “I’m really glad to see you finally being on the up. It’s about time with thirty, don’t you think?” He grinned as though he had made an especially intelligent joke, although Newt was all too sure he meant every word of what he said. “Did I tell you about the look on the other Aurors’ faces when I told them it was my little brother who captured Grindelwald?”</p><p>Theseus looked delighted as though it was his personal achievement that Newt had stumbled into the New York underground looking for a lost child and nearly got killed, only to uncover the darkest wizard of modern history by utter coincidence. Newt took a swig to hide his annoyed expression and refrained from telling Theseus that he regarded saving the Graphorns from extinction and rescuing a mistreated Thunderbird a much greater achievement.</p><p>“You did”, he said instead, “twice. So, you reckoned next time I get involuntarily involved in some major investigation, I should wear cufflinks?”</p><p>“I think you should wear cufflinks next time you get involved in some kind of <em>minor</em> investigation”, Theseus said frowning. “Which brings me to the next point: If you want your travel ban to be lifted, you can’t attend your hearing like… <em>that</em>.”</p><p>Newt set his glass down a little to vehemently. “And what exactly do you mean with <em>that?</em>”, he asked, for the first time making no point in trying to hide his annoyance. “I think I look perfectly fine for everything I need to do.”</p><p>Theseus sighed and rolled his eyes.  “C’mon, Newt! No need to get all spiky. I did not especially mean your outward appearance, although it certainly would be a good place to start”, he said with an air of arrogance that made Newt grit his teeth in anger. “Think about it – you shouldn’t attend your hearing in that old, battered coat if you want to be taken seriously – and you certainly <em>can’t </em>wear it for your book launch. Get a haircut, look a little more civilized. Couldn’t hurt, don’t you think? But regarding your travel ban, I was rather referring to your general demeanour.”</p><p>Ah, <em>wonderful</em>. So <em>that</em> was where they were going. “What a <em>particularly</em> nice thing to say”, Newt said crossly. He shouldn’t have asked Theseus for help who, as always, just took it as an opportunity to boss him around. “You didn’t forget I turned thirty, not three, did you?” He was really tempted to get up and leave. They had been at this point so many times before.</p><p>“Oh, calm down”, Theseus said, looking exasperated. He perked his eyebrows towards a couple of curious strangers at the next table who hurriedly turned away. “All I’m asking you to do is to behave like a reasonable person and cooperate a little. They charged you for destroying half of New York –“</p><p>“…which I didn’t do!”</p><p>“Well, see, <em>that’s</em> what I mean!” Theseus didn’t look cheerful anymore. His blue eyes flashed angrily. “Can you please just try and don’t talk back for <em>once?</em> If you want them to lift your travel ban you have to be a little more submissive. Don’t bring a dragon egg in your pocket, try to look civil – that kind of thing.”</p><p>Newt pursed his lips and averted his eyes. It was clear that Theseus really meant that he should behave more submissive against <em>him,</em> and Newt absolutely didn’t see why he should listen to someone who knew nothing about the proper handling of dragons. He didn’t know how on earth he should carry around a one-thousand-degree hot object in his pockets – but as usual, Theseus just hadn’t bothered to think about the details of Newt’s profession. He crossed his arms and stared sulkily down on the table, wondering if Theseus would storm after him if he just left, not being afraid of scolding Newt in public like an ill-behaved child.</p><p>“Look, Newt, you asked me for help, I am helping you, so just do what I say, alright? Stop pouting”, Theseus said with an air of exasperation.</p><p>No, it was not alright. Newt had been fed up with Theseus’ <em>just-do-what-I-say</em> attitude towards him for almost thirty years now. “I’m not pouting”, Newt muttered. “And you are not exactly helpful. I think I have to get home now.”</p><p>He meant to get up, but Theseus reached over the table, grasping his sleeve. “Stay”, he said, “please. I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to offend you.” Theseus didn’t look too sorry but at least he sounded genuine, not like he was about to lord it over Newt again. Newt hesitated, then he sat down again, carefully avoiding his brother’s gaze.</p><p>“Right”, Theseus said, “thanks. Let’s talk about that travel ban business some other time, okay? It’s your birthday and I just wanted to have a nice chat with you, and actually I meant to tell you something, ah –” He scratched his head and gave Newt a conciliatory smile. “But more on that later. Let’s just have a normal conversation now, like two adult people, alright? You’re thirty and I’m thirty-eight, Merlin’s beard! We should be able to behave like that.”</p><p>“Alright”, Newt murmured, still a little disgruntled. If Theseus wanted to have a mature conversation, he needn’t treat him like a child, but he knew better than to say that aloud. Instead, he took a sip of his drink and glanced uncomfortably around the room, looking for something to talk about.</p><p>There was a minute of awkward silence. Theseus started drumming his fingers on the table, giving a nod to a man with an outmoded hat passing their table. Newt wondered if his brother was making an effort to think about a topic that did not involve his splendid job at the ministry or the last match of the <em>Appleby Arrows</em>, or if he just wanted to give Newt the chance to come up with something himself. Newt didn’t try too hard. He was not too keen to talk about his private life after everything Theseus had said to him. He was idly watching the rain pelting against the window, wondering if Frank had safely made his way to Arizona.</p><p>“So”, Theseus said slowly after a while, “where do you want to travel once you are allowed to leave the country again?”</p><p>“Don’t know”, Newt muttered, but Theseus actually asking about his plans was a pleasant surprise. “New York.”</p><p>Theseus blinked in astonishment, looking pleased. Newt wished he could retract his words in that very second, but it was too late.</p><p>“Well, that sounds promising!”, Theseus said delighted. “Considering you <em>did</em> catch Grindelwald and you might <em>not</em> have destroyed half of New York City – did you get a job offer?”</p><p>Newt couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Of course not”, he said, “there’s no work for me in New York. It’s no better than London, the only creatures that can thrive there are probably pigeons. Although the zoo was quite interesting.” He smiled a little, thinking of Jacob. They had spent a great time together, regardless of nearly dying several times. Newt couldn’t help but wish he was sitting here with Jacob instead of Theseus. Talking to him he had never felt as uncomfortable. Jacob had been genuinely interested in his beasts and seemed to like Newt despite his worn-out coat and his awkward behaviour. He felt a sudden sadness that Jacob couldn’t remember anything, not even Newt himself. Somehow, he had felt closer to him than to Theseus despite only knowing him a few hours. Newt had felt cherished. He hadn’t experienced this kind of relationship since the very day he had left school. Merlin, he really hoped Jacob was alright…</p><p>“So – why do you want to go back there if you didn’t like it?”, Theseus said casually, eager to keep the conversation going, interrupting Newt’s thoughts.</p><p>“What?”, Newt said although he had understood Theseus’ words perfectly. “Oh, that. Well, I kind of owe somebody a favour. Meet some friends.” He scratched his neck and tried to look nonchalant. There was no way he would tell his brother about Tina. He could stand Theseus frowning upon his clothing or even his character – after all, he was used to it since he was five years old. But he would certainly not allow him to talk flippantly about Tina. Theseus wouldn’t understand. He never did. – Newt took a sip of his drink and tried to look convincingly unsuspicious. It didn’t work.</p><p>“That isn’t anything <em>illegal</em> again, is it?”, Theseus said, looking alarmed. “Don’t tell me you are in trouble all over <em>again!”</em></p><p>Newt frowned and opened his mouth to protest but stopped when the implication of Theseus’ words suddenly hit him, doing something greatly unpleasant to his guts, like dropping several feet at once in mid-air on a petulant broomstick. He shouldn’t be surprised that Theseus believed it more likely that he was involved in some kind of dodgy business than actually visiting friends. It left a strange, hollow feeling somewhere in his chest all the same. He swallowed hard, angrily trying to tell himself that he really shouldn’t care about Theseus’ opinion because he had already proven on several occasions that he usually expected the worst of Newt.</p><p>“No”, he said silently. He hated how downhearted he sounded. It was Theseus, for Merlin’s sake. This really shouldn’t be a surprise.</p><p>He felt very lonely all of a sudden.</p><p>“If you say so”, Theseus said, still looking suspicious and a little confused. “Then tell me why you look so glum? Look, Newt, I know you don’t believe me, but I <em>am</em> concerned for you… I can help you if you are in trouble.”</p><p>Newt didn’t respond. Theseus was right – he didn’t really believe him. Maybe he did care for him, but he cared just as much for his public image, and he certainly wouldn’t approve if Newt dragged the family name into the mud (again). He felt a strong urge to leave. He wanted to go home to his beasts, maybe write a letter to Tina, reminding himself that they were creatures in the world who didn’t think of him as an irresponsible small-time criminal. Although Tina probably had when they first met. She didn’t seem to mind that too much now, however.</p><p>“I’m fine”, he said, ignoring Theseus’ sceptical look. He downed the rest of his drink, grimacing a little because he hadn’t particularly liked it in the first place. The butterbeer in Hogsmeade had definitely been better. “Thanks, Theseus”, he said, “for the drinks and the gift… need to go now.”</p><p>“Wait, Newt!” For the second time this day and for what was possibly the thousandth time in their lives, Theseus held on to him, preventing him from leaving with an air of authority Newt hated and had nothing to set against in equal measure. He groaned in discontent but sat down again, waiting for Theseus to get on with whatever live lesson he wanted to lecture him about.</p><p>“Look, Newt… There’s something I want to tell you…”</p><p>Newt lifted his head by the sound of Theseus’ voice. He sounded nervous. Newt fidgeted in his chair, feeling slightly unsettled. Theseus <em>never </em>was nervous. What was even more unnerving was the fact that the aura of pure bliss Newt had observed when he had met Theseus thirty-five minutes previous had returned. He seemed even happier than on the day he had gotten Newt a job in that cursed <em>Office for House-Elf Relocation,</em> and that had been one of the most miserable days of Newt’s live.</p><p>“Before you say anything, please hear me out”, Theseus said, by no means calming Newt down. “I know we had some kind of… disagreement about that before, and although I really couldn’t see why you…” He cut himself off, discarding his words by shaking his head. “Anyway. Come and have dinner with Leta and me on Saturday. Consider it a birthday present.” He smiled expectantly.</p><p>Newt couldn’t meet his eyes. It was quite a surprise that Theseus had managed to find a second birthday present that was even more unpleasant than the first one. “Well, <em>actually</em> I think I have to…”, he started but Theseus didn’t let him finish.</p><p>“No excuses this time, Newt”, he said with an air of impatience. “You can’t shirk it any longer. You will simply have to put up with it now because there will be no way for you to avoid it in the future. I know that something about this is unsettling you, but you will have to wrap your head around it.” Theseus looked tremendously determined. Newt felt more uncomfortable every second.</p><p>“I’m still not sure if I can – “, he tried to object, but Theseus wanted none of it.</p><p>“Alright”, he said, sounding rather disenchanted. “We meant to tell you on Saturday but since you don’t seem to see reason and can’t do me the slightest favour, I’ll have to tell you now.” He took a deep breath, the joyful twinkle suddenly returning to his eyes. “Leta and I are getting married!”</p><p>“<em>What?!</em>” If Newt hadn’t put his glass down a minute ago, he would have dropped it, and he sort of wished he had. Maybe then Theseus would have looked down to the shards on the floor and not into his face with that expression of utter frustration. But something <em>had</em> shattered – inside Newt and, as he realised a moment later, also between him and Theseus.</p><p>“What?!”, Theseus echoed after a piercing silence of several seconds. If possible, he looked even more aghast than Newt. “Is that <em>everything</em> you have to say about this?! Because if you do –“</p><p>“No, no”, Newt tried hurriedly. His lips felt numb and he couldn’t even decide what exactly this emotion was that made him feel like he had fallen off a hippogriff. “I’m… I’m happy for you, I…”</p><p>“No, Newton, you are <em>not!</em>” Theseus looked furious now, not even caring anymore if the other pub visitors turned around and stared at them. “You are not <em>happy for me</em>, if anything you are <em>rude </em>– oh no, you are <em>not</em> leaving this time! I won’t accept your audacity any further!”</p><p>Newt, who had made a move to get up again, tightened his grip around the tabletop. “Fine!” he snapped. If Theseus wanted him to stay at all costs, he could have it. The feeling boiling inside his guts had turned out to be rage, and if Theseus insisted that he stayed, he would get what he asked for. There were things he had wished to tell Theseus for years and years and <em>years</em>. “What do you even <em>care?! </em>You never care how I feel about anything, or if I am <em>happy</em>, you just want me to change and do your bidding! You don’t want me to be childish but you think you can tell me what to wear and where to go; you do not even believe that it is possible that I have <em>friends</em> because –”</p><p>“Has it ever crossed your mind that this might not be about <em>you</em>, Newt?!”, Theseus cut in heatedly. “Because this isn’t! It’s about Leta and me, and we love each other and I am going to marry her, and if you are not happy with that, <em>in this case I don’t care!</em> We tried to talk to you for months now, but you keep declining our invitations! It breaks my heart to watch Leta trying to reconcile with you because you still despise her for being involved in something that happened to you <em>ten years</em> ago!”</p><p>“I do not despise her!” Newt shouted angrily. Didn’t Theseus understand <em>anything?! </em></p><p>“Oh, really?” Theseus had managed to keep his voice down up to this point, but not anymore. “It damn well looks like it!”</p><p>“If you had bothered to listen to me at any point in the last fifteen years –”</p><p>“No! <em>No</em>, Newt! If you had bothered to <em>say</em> anything! I can’t read your mind, you know?” Theseus stopped, breathing heavily. He glared at the people at the neighbouring table, then went on, clearly fighting to keep his voice down. “Well, you can tell me now! Because whatever you might think, I <em>do care</em> and I w<em>ould like</em> to be on good terms with you, but that doesn’t mean you can behave like this!”</p><p>He glared at Newt, and Newt glared back, this time not breaking the eye contact. There were creatures you had to stare right into the eye if you wanted them to retreat. He couldn’t remember feeling so offended in the past few years. Theseus wanted to know what had happened? Well, he could tell him! He could tell him that he took the blame for Leta, and she had broken his trust and his heart, that he had felt like a stupid idiot, and he had <em>never been enough</em> for her, not even when he gave her <em>everything</em> he had, that he had believed they were friends and she had thrown him out from one day to the next; and then Theseus came along, charming, perfect, <em>war hero</em> Theseus and decided to marry her <em>just like that</em>… Newt opened his mouth to tell him, because he <em>deserved</em> to hear that, all the way thinking the worst of Newt, as if he was behaving like this out of <em>envy</em> – but then he stopped himself. He had promised Leta never to tell anybody, and no matter how much rage and hurt he might feel against his brother at this moment – this was not worth breaking his word.</p><p>Still, there were other things he wanted to tell Theseus right into the face – that he was unbearably self-righteous and paternalizing, to begin with. Newt had been miserable more than once in his life because everyone liked to see him as a less successful, less confident, less charming version of his older brother, and Theseus just failed to see <em>what he did to him</em>. He was about to say something he might have regretted a second later when Theseus lost his patience.</p><p>“Guess what, Newt”, he hissed, “I am so <em>tired</em> of you behaving like a mountain troll! I am <em>tired</em> of you running away and avoiding me and Leta, and not even <em>trying</em> to explain what might have hurt your precious feelings this time! You know what? I didn’t take any advanced courses in divination, so it <em>might</em> surprise you that I haven’t consulted my teacup this morning to find out what your problem will be <em>this </em>time! Maybe you could tell me beforehand next time, then I can bring a crystal ball to our next meeting to figure out what on earth is <em>wrong with you! </em>Paracelsus! If you don’t want to tell me, just <em>skip</em> it! I get it! But don’t expect me to handle you with kid gloves any longer!”</p><p>Newt was foaming. Theseus had <em>no idea</em>. He had no idea of all the things he would <em>love</em> to rub in and how <em>hard</em> it was to contain his self-control so he would notahhh  humiliate Theseus in front of all his colleagues, although he knew he <em>could</em>, taking revenge for everything Theseus had done to him over the years… “All I am doing is trying to avoid saying something to you I might regret later!”, he said, his voice shaking with hardly suppressed fury. He remotely noticed Pickett sticking his head out of his pocket, alarmed by the angry hammering of his heart.</p><p>“No, you don’t”, Theseus said with a short, joyless laughter. His eyes were cold now. “You are avoiding to say <em>anything</em> to me, Newton. As always.”</p><p>This was too much. Newt knew he had to leave in an instant. “I’m going now”, he informed his brother icily, getting up, only to find himself face to face with Theseus a second later.</p><p>“No, Newton”, he said, “<em>I </em>am going. But just so you know – I am deeply disappointed in you. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s your business. I won’t invite you anymore if that’s what you want. But I never thought you so resentful and jealous that you would begrudge your own brother and an old acquaintance their happiness. Don’t think I will turn up again to apologize. Good night.”</p><p>Newt barely noticed that all he gave for an answer was a wordless glare, the situation leaving him helpless with rage. He stood in silence for a moment, watching Theseus go, fury and frustration raging inside him like a wounded Nundu. When he turned around, he became aware the people at the neighbouring tables were watching him out of the corner of their eyes, whispering and mumbling curiously. He ducked his head (more out of a habit than of shyness because he still felt like hexing someone) and rudely grabbed his blue coat which Theseus appeared to find so offensive. He shrugged into it carelessly when he stormed through the room, Pickett sticking his head out of his shirt pocket and chirping indignantly. He felt a pang of guilt, because the Bowtruckle was the last one he wanted to get hurt just because Theseus had proved insufferable again, but it was not enough to cool his temper just now.</p><p>The rain came down in sheets when Newt rushed out of the front door, pattering down on the pavement, and drenching him as soon as he stepped out into the street. Pickett who had started to climb Newt’s shoulder chattered in consternation when he was hit by raindrops big enough to bend the small leaves on his head. Newt reached out for him, making sure he was safe in his hands before disapparating into the night.</p><p> </p><p>
  
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Changing: People</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Newt was barely aware of his surroundings when he apparated into a dark corner of a familiar back lane near his flat. Occupied with angry thoughts he walked down the street, ignoring the drenching rain and Pickett’s chirping who sensed his bad mood. He didn’t bother to take off his coat when he entered his flat, only stopping in the kitchen for a second to slam the box with the cufflinks on the table before he opened the door to his basement.</p>
<p>It was only then that he realised that he was home much earlier than anticipated. He halted for a second, wondering if Bunty was still downstairs and if he should head back out into the rain before she noticed him. He got along with Bunty very well, but right now he just wanted to be alone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to react to another round of birthday wishes in an appropriate manner and he didn’t want to hurt Bunty’s feelings – it was enough that Theseus would never speak to him again.</p>
<p>He felt his anger swelling again at the thought of his brother because it just <em>wasn’t fair</em> – without further thought he pushed open the door to the basement and rushed downstairs, his hurried footsteps accompanying the angry beating of his heart.</p>
<p>Newt sighed with relief when he realised that Bunty had already gone home. She had left a card for him on his desk, but he didn’t as much as glance at it. He knew he had to calm down now – he was already causing a stir among the beasts around him. They sensed his agitation; the Augurey cried accusatorily and the Kelpie shook his head, snorting nervously, while Pickett was clearly outraged now. He had climbed Newt’s shoulder again, piercingly chirping into Newt’s ear and pulling his hair, and none of this was doing any good.</p>
<p>“Stow it!”, he snaped. He regretted it in an instant when he saw Pickett’s little face fall. “I’m sorry”, he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a second, but it was already too late – Pickett had retreated into his pocket, a hurt look on his face.</p>
<p>Newt grabbed his suitcase, swearing under his breath. All of this was his fault – he was behaving highly unprofessional and he really shouldn’t interfere with his creatures’ wellbeing just because he was not able to keep it together. He had not meant to insult Pickett who was only upset because <em>Newt</em> was upset in the first place… He was really messing up everything today. His anger was beginning to die down, leaving behind a sharp feeling of guilt and sadness.</p>
<p>With a sigh, Newt put his suitcase down on the floor and opened it. He stepped down the ladder with the effortlessness of somebody who had done this for years. His shed looked oddly tidy and deserted. He had moved most of his equipment to the basement of his flat, together with the creatures. There was no point in keeping the beasts in the suitcase when he held no hopes of travelling in the near future.</p>
<p>It was a strange feeling to step out into the vast but uninhibited space of his suitcase when no one was there to greet him. Still, it had become a place of retreat for him, a place to be alone with his thoughts, where not even Bunty would follow him.</p>
<p>Feeling downhearted, Newt strolled over to the biotope Frank had once inhabited. He climbed the stairs to the platform and stood for a moment, gazing out into the wide, artificial space. He had hoped to find some solace in the thought of Frank now roaming the free, wild skies of Arizona, being in the place where he belonged. But today it made Newt only more aware that <em>he</em> wasn’t free, that he was alone, and that every place he went could only be a temporary home at best.</p>
<p>He sank down on the stairs with a heavy sigh. The fury he had felt mere minutes ago had disappeared like the spider in front of the basilisk. He suddenly found himself alone with all the disappointment Theseus’ words had left behind, coursing through his veins and finally reaching his heart.</p>
<p>What was it that made people always believe the worst of him, even his own brother, even Tina, when they had first met? His instinctive behaviour made the beasts he encountered sense he didn’t mean any harm but failed miserably when it came to human beings. Newt groaned, slumping a little when he realised he had completely buggered it up with Theseus this time. He hadn’t meant to offend him -well, in the beginning at least – but Theseus’ general attitude towards him had driven him mad for years now. He was no longer a child, and Theseus didn’t know everything better, no matter how convinced he was that Newt was wasting his life. And whatever Theseus might think – Newt didn’t despise Leta. Never had. Never could. It just made everything so agonizingly <em>complicated</em>.</p>
<p>He <em>wanted</em> to be happy for Theseus. It just seemed when it came to Leta, he had lost his ability to be happy, really. And how, <em>how</em> on earth should he tell Theseus everything that was going on inside his head? He wouldn’t understand. Theseus never did. And it was already difficult enough to sort it out on his own.</p>
<p>Newt shook his head, a little disgusted by his self-pity. He had witnessed far worse than what had happened between him and Leta. He had seen what men did to creatures they didn’t understand, the spite and anger born out of fear. But at the end of the day, what unsettled him most was how so much hurt and grieve could arise from something that had seemed like a perfect friendship. It seemed, in a way, understandable that people wanted to cast off something they feared, but why would you shed something you hold dear from one day to the next?</p>
<p>Newt sighed and ducked his head, absentmindedly staring at the vein of the wooden stairs beneath his feat. He had been haunted by these memories for years without ever being able to make sense of it – nor finding peace. That this mistake didn’t belong to the past had been proven today in his disastrous row with Theseus. He couldn’t make it right with people. He did things to annoy them before he even noticed, something with him was <em>wrong</em> and he couldn’t <em>tell</em> them because it would make everything even <em>worse</em>…</p>
<p>Leta had been Newt’s only friend. They had been extremely close for years. He had trusted her with all his heart, she was the only one who seemed to take him for who he was without judging. She had been the most precious part of his life until he had met the beasts, and there had been a time when he had thought he was in love with her. He wasn’t sure about that now. The truth had been that they had needed each other desperately, and even in moments when he had felt that some of the things she did where morally questionable and got him into situations he would have liked to avoid, he couldn’t let go. He would have done anything for her. And he did.</p>
<p>He had known Leta had no place to go. If she had been expelled, they would have forced her to go back to the family he didn’t know much more about than anybody else, but this was enough to realise he could not let this happen. Sometimes Leta cried without reason or lashed out or hid away for days – he had remembered her whenever he had found a hurt beast in the years to come. But she was also kind, witty and strong and he knew she could make it, <em>they </em>could make it if he only saved her this one time. So he left, telling everybody the accident had been solely his responsibility.</p>
<p>It had hurt to see that everyone accepted this explanation without further thought. It didn’t seem strange to anyone that he would take the risk of endangering human life – anyone except Dumbledore. Newt would never forget the look in his parents’ eyes, the bitter disappointment, but also the lack of surprise that showed that he had only proven their worst apprehensions to come true. Maybe that was why Theseus still looked at him like this. They had warned him that his obsession with beasts was likely to end badly more than once. Had it not been for his teacher’s unwavering commitment, the ministry would have possibly snapped his wand.</p>
<p>Newt smiled wistfully when he picked up a small feather lying in the dust next to him, its golden rim glistening in the light. Dumbledore had been a part of his life ever since. Without him, he would never have found Frank nor gone to New York. The thought of Dumbledore’s support made his heart feel lighter. But back then, nothing could have prepared him for the shock of Leta’s reaction.</p>
<p>It was silly, but what had broken Newt’s heart was not his parents’ resentment. Newt knew it was ridiculous, but something had shattered inside him when he received no reply to his letters to Leta the day after, or the day after that, or any of the following days. He eventually had to face the truth that his only friend had cut him out of her life for something he had done out of affection. She never even told him what he had done wrong. Had he frightened her, or did she feel guilty? For the first time in his life Newt had lost all faith in himself and his ability to be involved in relationships with others.</p>
<p>Of course, this hadn’t been Leta’s fault entirely. He had always been insecure when it came to relationships with other people. He hadn’t gotten along with Theseus too well before his expulsion either. But since Theseus and Leta were seeing each other, the brothers’ relationship certainly had not improved.</p>
<p>Newt hid his face in his hands with an embarrassed groan. The brief moments he and Leta had encountered each other since then had been excruciatingly awkward. Leta had met his eyes with a shy smile and small anecdotes from their school time, and Newt loathed himself for not being able to react in the same manner. He sensed that she wanted to connect to the friendship they once had had, and he tried – but all he felt was deep confusion, and an unescapable urge to run and hide. He feared to fall prey to the same trap again and felt a desperate sadness that he couldn’t cast aside the past like Leta and Theseus wanted him to.</p>
<p>Newt sat up straight again, staring into the skyless void above him. How could he have told Theseus? Theseus never got lost in his thoughts or his feelings; for him life was easy, a game in which he won every round. Again and again it was Theseus who masterfully achieved what Newt had always failed to do. There was something in Leta’s eyes that told Newt she wouldn’t leave Theseus the way she had left him. And deep inside he knew that maybe this was his own fault, because Theseus wouldn’t accept to be treated like that, and he would keep fighting when Newt retreated to lick his wounds.</p>
<p>But did this make Theseus right? Was Newt jealous and resentful? He didn’t know. He hadn’t known what he felt ever since his return from New York. And up to this day, it had not been entirely unpleasant, really.</p>
<p>He sighed again, feeling exhausted but finally starting to calm down. He had felt a new confidence growing inside him recently, and this evening was the first time in months that he felt trapped in the past again. On his travels, he had spent more time with the beasts than ever before, nurturing them back to health and forming bonds beyond his expectations. He hadn’t missed being with people, his research had filled his heart with ardour and purpose. He had rarely thought of Leta or of the problems he left behind when he was with his beastly friends. Which reminded him…</p>
<p>“Pickett”, he said softly, glancing down on his chest, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh with you. I just… I was angry, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”</p>
<p>A disgruntled chirp sounded from his pocket and a second later Pickett stuck his head out. He eyed Newt suspiciously but also with a tad of worry.</p>
<p>“I won’t do it again”, Newt promised. “You can come out now.”</p>
<p>Pickett didn’t seem quite convinced. He didn’t climb out of the pocket, but he didn’t retreat either. Instead, he just watched Newt with a thoughtful glint in his tiny dark eyes.</p>
<p>Newt smiled reassuringly. He felt better – now that he had reconciled with the Bowtruckle, his problems with human relationships no longer appeared quite as hopeless. He lifted his head, gazing towards the shed where he still kept Leta’s photograph. He had carried it with him to remind himself of the closest relationship he had ever had with a human being, and although it had gone terribly wrong at some point, he treasured the memory of their friendship. Newt was a member of his species, after all.</p>
<p>It suddenly occurred to him that he was sitting in almost the same spot where he had stood when Queenie had approached him to ask about Leta.</p>
<p>
  <em>She was a taker. You need a giver.</em>
</p>
<p>He had wanted to deny it then. It had always been painfully obvious to him that the failure of his and Leta’s friendship must have been his own fault because he had unknowingly violated some unwritten rule of human interaction. But what had happened to him in New York had suddenly given him new hope.</p>
<p>He had not anticipated to make friends. He had not even tried. To be honest, he had just wanted to get rid of Tina at first, because she grabbed his arm and dragged him along to places he didn’t want to be in, like Theseus always did. Jacob had been a nuisance (and it had <em>hurt </em>being hit with his own suitcase, Merlin, he would never underestimate a muggle again!), but it was clear Newt had to look out for him when it was his fault that he had been bitten by the Murtlap.</p>
<p>That he had come to like Jacob, Queenie and Tina had been an utter surprise, and that this feeling was mutual, a shock. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been <em>friendly</em> with anybody before; most of the time he enjoyed Bunty’s company and he had learned to get on well with strangers by means of good old British politeness. It was just – that he had not had <em>friends.</em></p>
<p>Pickett chirped questioningly as if he had sensed Newt’s thoughts. Newt smiled for the first time since he had left the pub. He held out his hand so that the small creature could climb onto his palm. “I didn’t mean <em>you</em>, of course” he muttered. “You’ve always been there for me, Pick.”</p>
<p>Pickett chattered and started to climb Newt’s arm, looking extremely smug. Newt couldn’t suppress a grin, but it was true nevertheless – Pickett had always been his friend, and he had saved his life more than once. Without his help, he surely wouldn’t be alive anymore. Tina wouldn’t…</p>
<p>He shuddered a little at the thought of how closely the four of them had escaped death that night – several times. He had told himself that it was only natural to bond over events like these – but it didn’t change the fact that he had found friendship when he expected it least.</p>
<p>It had broken his heart to let Jacob go mere hours after they had become friends. He was quite sure that he understood Queenie’s misery better than Tina. Jacob had been special to him, too. He was a reminder that Newt could find a place where he belonged after all.</p>
<p>But there was something else. He hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on it for too long – it was too easy to get lost in hopes and imagination. He told himself it couldn’t be – he barely knew her. But still the thought of her made him feel better, it lifted his spirits like the sight of an endless horizon and the smell of fresh morning air. It reminded him that when he had felt lonely and misunderstood mere minutes ago, staring into Frank’s empty habitat, he hadn’t been right.</p>
<p>Because of the letters that kept arriving from New York. Letters that became longer and longer and made him look out for post owls so keenly that his own owl felt seriously insulted and chose to ignore him until he bribed her with extra treats. He had been forced to say goodbye to Jacob and Frank, but he still yearned to go back to New York.</p>
<p>No, of course he didn’t <em>yearn</em>. He wanted to keep a promise but that didn’t mean he had to lose sleep over it. He was not one to worry as long as he didn’t get lost in the trap of his own memory, and he didn’t normally pine for the creatures he left behind. He had always known the time would come when he we would have  to release the beasts he had nurtured, no matter how close they had become. They couldn’t stay inside his suitcase because this was not where they belonged. Going to the USA, he had known he would have to say goodbye to Frank eventually.</p>
<p>The only thing was – he had not anticipated saying goodbye to Tina. He had not planned to find her, or to befriend her in the first place, or to leave her behind or to lose sleep or to yearn for–</p>
<p>New York.</p>
<p>Newt shook his head in disbelieve. He <em>knew</em> this wasn’t about New York. The thought was frightening because this was <em>new</em> – this was not about the habitat that the city was or, as Theseus liked to believe, his accidental success in capturing one of the darkest wizards of all time. This was about the <em>people</em> he had met there, about Jacob (who couldn’t remember him) and Queenie (who had rather overwhelmed him with her outgoing personality) and – and Tina.</p>
<p>Tina who had brought him hot cocoa although he had caused her nothing but trouble. Tina who had lost her job and almost her life to protect a boy she barely knew. Tina who had helped him to find his creatures and caught his Occamy in a teapot and had not left him alone fighting for his life. Tina who had smiled at him like – like – he didn’t know. He couldn’t compare it. People didn’t look at him like that. Even <em>creatures</em> didn’t look at him like that. Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t forget it… all of it…</p>
<p>Her watery but radiant smile when he asked for permission to return. The unshed tears in her eyes (<em>why</em>, he tried not to ask himself, <em>should she feel such sorrow parting from me?</em>) combined with a strange, glowing joy that had made him think of salamanders when he looked at her, as something was shining in her eyes like fire in dark water. The way her hair had felt under his fingers, soft and strong at the same time, like the feathers of a young hippogriff, when he finally reached out to tuck a lose strand behind her ear.</p>
<p>Tina made him think of thunderbirds and hippogriffs and salamanders and all the other creatures he loved, for she was brave and smart and strong and soft and <em>beautiful, </em>but most of all, she made him think of <em>her</em>.</p>
<p><em>Merlin’s beard </em>–</p>
<p>Pickett, who was fed up with him staring dreamily into space, poked his cheek with one of his spiky fingers. Newt jolted, his heart suddenly racing. He blinked in confusion at the Bowtruckle’s stern face, feeling a little disoriented. “Erm”, he said, blushing a little, “I…”</p>
<p>But he still didn’t dare to say it aloud, not even to Pickett, not even to <em>himself</em>. He had <em>felt</em> it for quite some time now, it was just that he couldn’t admit it, he couldn’t allow himself to – to –</p>
<p>To fall in love with Tina Goldstein.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath to steady himself. Rubbing his neck and staring into the abandoned terrain of his suitcase, he tried to figure out how he felt about this.</p>
<p>First of all, he had to admit that he was not surprised. He had caught himself thinking of her a lot recently, with just as much awe as he had felt when he encountered all the other wondrous, tremendously beautiful creatures during his travel. He had never met a person like her, fierce and soft at the same time, with an undying passion and even more courage…</p>
<p>He had realised that she cared deeply for the people around her, just like he did with his beasts. She couldn’t stand Credence suffering, even though it meant she would lose her job. She cared, even for a hurt muggle and somehow along the way, she started to care about <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>She did, didn’t she? Lost in thought, Newt watched Pickett who was busy trying to turn up the collar of his coat. Tina had helped him find his beasts, she had insisted he stayed with her and Queenie the morning everything was over and he was utterly exhausted from two days without sleep and a duel with Grindelwald he had won only by chance. She had accompanied him back to the docks the day he left, and she was writing to him twice a week ever since. Tina had gone from <em>Kind regards, Tina Goldstein</em> to <em>Love, Tina</em> in just about two months – and he knew that he should not pay too much attention to pleasantries like these, it was only a complementary closing… But still…</p>
<p>Was it possibly that she cared in the same way… like he did?</p>
<p>Feeling a little embarrassed although nobody was watching except Pickett, he slid his hand into the inner pocket of his coat and fetched the newspaper clipping he had carried with him for over a month now. His hands were trembling slightly when he unfolded it, ignoring the fact that Pickett had started to pull his hair to regain his attention.</p>
<p>In the photograph, Tina’s eyes lacked the warm glow they held in reality, but she was still stunningly beautiful. A strange feeling of aching dizziness rose in his chest when she smiled, like the first effects of a Billywig sting. He couldn’t help but imagine it was <em>him</em> she was smiling at… He knew this was no good, he knew this was only a dream yet…</p>
<p>He wondered how Tina would feel about the fact that he was carrying her picture now. He thought it might be the kind of thing women liked – but he would do better not to trust his instincts when it came to what people liked, and Tina was not just some ordinary woman…</p>
<p>Pickett let out an annoyed chirp right into his ear and Newt grinned sheepishly. Pickett was right, he was getting lost in thought again. He folded the picture and safely stored it away inside his pocket before he let the Bowtruckle climb onto his hand.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, Pick”, he said smiling. “There’s no need to be jealous. She’s on the other side of the Atlantic, after all.” Now, <em>this</em> thought was not pleasant after all.</p>
<p>Pickett didn’t look convinced and Newt could not even hold it against him. After all, Pickett had never had to share the place in the pocket over his heart with anybody else. “You liked Tina too”, he reminded the Bowtruckle. “Anyway, nobody knows if she even likes <em>me</em>…”</p>
<p>Pickett was giving him a stern frown, then he leaned forward and patted Newt’s thumb with a look of amicable encouragement. Newt could hardly suppress a laugh of fondness and amusement. This was <em>great</em> – Pickett was giving better advice than his own brother.</p>
<p>This thought brought him back to reality rather harshly. If he wanted to see Tina again, he needed to go to New York, and if he wanted to travel, he had to be on friendly terms with the ministry. And for that he needed Theseus’ help – Theseus with whom he had just had the worst row in years.</p>
<p>Newt sighed when his thoughts returned to the unpleasant events of the evening. He still felt hurt when he thought of Theseus’ words but with some astonishment he realised that he was not angry anymore.</p>
<p>Theseus had wanted to help him. As always, he hadn’t acted in the most considerate way, but Newt had known his brother long enough to know that Theseus would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. There was no denying that Theseus was self-righteous and paternalizing – but Newt <em>didn’t</em> make it easy for him. And there was <em>no</em> excuse for his reaction on Theseus’ great announcement. It <em>had</em> been disastrous, and the fact that Theseus would most likely remember it forever was suddenly very painful. Ashamed, Newt tried to imagine how he would feel if Theseus reacted in this way to <em>his</em> engagement, but he stopped himself in an instant – because Theseus would be utterly <em>delighted. (</em>And he would not get engaged, of course. Although the thought didn’t seem as impossible now as even three months ago...)</p>
<p>Newt had to apologize, he realised. He had to pull himself together and tell Theseus he was sorry, because he <em>was </em>– but even more important, he needed to get along with Leta. He feared that Theseus wouldn’t be able to forgive him if he couldn’t welcome Leta the way she deserved. Newt had wanted to give her a home with all his heart many years ago – now was the time to let this come true.</p>
<p>But how? His guts seemed to curl up into a nervous knot when he remembered the awkwardness of their last conversation. He <em>had</em> tried before, he had never wanted to offend her or his brother – it was just that he had <em>known</em> he couldn’t act like an eloquent gentleman in conversation, that he couldn’t look into people’s eyes, that he couldn’t let behind the heartbreak and disappointment Leta had brought upon him in the past, that he was a prisoner of his insecurities...</p>
<p>Unless – he wasn’t.</p>
<p>Newt’s eyes widened a little and Pickett nearly lost his balance when he suddenly stood. His heart beat in excitement and Pickett was hugging his thumb when Newt realised that he might have been wrong – all of the time.</p>
<p>He had made friends, right? Not only beastly friends, but <em>human</em> friends, people who enjoyed his company and who liked to read his letters – even now, when there was an ocean separating them. It hadn’t been a problem that he wasn’t as witty or confident as Theseus, or that he had not said a single word at the Goldsteins’ dinner, not even that Jacob had nearly been overrun by an Erumpent on heat. He had not tried hard to win their affection – and still they <em>liked</em> him.</p>
<p>The warm, overwhelming joy that suddenly felt Newt’s heart left him unable to move for a second. He felt like he had suddenly found the counter spell to a curse that had held him in its grasp for years. He laughed with relieve and disbelieve – why had he only realised that now? Hadn’t he been back from New York for two months?  Just now – in this second, in Frank’s empty habitat – he finally understood. He <em>had</em> already left behind his past, he <em>had </em>proven to himself that he was perfectly able to find friendship, maybe, <em>maybe</em> even more…</p>
<p>Pickett squealed excitedly and clung to Newt’s earlobe when Newt hurried over to his shed with a spring in his step. The happiness pulsing through his body made the tip of his wand light up when he pulled it out of his sleeve, so he didn’t even need to cast the spell aloud when he entered the small, dim space.</p>
<p>He had turned Leta’s photograph to face the wall after his conversation with Queenie, but now he reached for it and looked at Leta’s melancholic smile.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not hurting. Anyway, it was a long time ago.</em>
</p>
<p>And this time it was true. This time, he could smile back because he knew he had the ability to make it right. He knew it wouldn’t be easy – she had always been a hurt creature and he was a shy one – but after all those years, maybe he could help to give her a place where she belonged.</p>
<p>Theseus would be happy. Newt would be <em>happy for him</em><em>. </em></p>
<p><em>– Theseus</em>. Newt put down Leta’s picture and started to ascend the ladder that led out of his suitcase. The sooner he tried to reconcile with his brother, the better. Theseus never apologized because he always believed himself to be in the right, and Newt never did it because his pride didn’t allow him to make Theseus feel vindicated in his attempts to treat Newt like a child. But this time, Newt <em>had</em> behaved like an idiot, an maybe, if Newt broke this rule, they could finally begin to treat each other as the grownups they were…</p>
<p>When Newt stepped out of the suitcase into the bustling space of his basement, he felt like he had just hatched from an egg that was to dark and to small, like he had shed an old, crusty skin, had cast his old feathers to become a new creature.</p>
<p>With a smile Newt noticed that his creatures seemed much more relaxed now, just like himself. He watched when the Augurey spread his tail feathers like an ugly peacock and let out the moaning, species-specific cry. The Fwooper on the next branch looked at it indignantly and ruffled its bright purple feathers.</p>
<p>Newt grinned, but then glanced down sceptically. Maybe Theseus was right? His coat <em>did</em> look a bit shabby, his trousers were not much better and his shoes were worn-out. He had never found fault with them because this was his work attire. There was no need for him to look fashionable when he was working – and his work had been his entire life.</p>
<p>These were clothes for beasts - maybe he needed additional clothes now.</p>
<p>Clothes for book launches and ministry affairs, clothes to show he was a trustworthy citizen and a trustworthy <em>man</em>. Clothes for <em>people</em> – people like Theseus and Leta. And Tina.</p>
<p>His creatures had different featherings, fur markings and patterns to show their intentions. They changed their looks to disguise themselves, or to signalise their social status, or to attract a mate.</p>
<p>Newt didn’t want to disguise anymore. He wanted to show he tried and cared – deeply. Suddenly the idea of buying a new coat didn’t seem so bad after all. Maybe he could even wear the cufflinks to show Theseus he understood now (if the Niffler hadn’t already nicked them). Maybe this would even help him to lift his travel ban. He didn’t know if Tina cared about such things, but maybe she would notice his efforts. He smiled, absentmindedly touching the spot of his coat where he could feel a photograph softly crinkling between his hand and his chest.</p>
<p>Newt Scamander was thirty years old and he carried a woman’s picture in his pocket and a Bowtruckle on his shoulder when he went upstairs to write a letter to his brother.</p>
<p>And this time he wasn’t late.</p>
<p> </p>
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